To Drown in a Sea of Flames
by KnightlyLady
Summary: How do you escape the flames when they burn on the inside? A questionably accidental event puts Axel in need of help, Sora is hired to coax him back into his right state of mind, and Roxas's life changes forever. Eventual AkuRoku and undecided others
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I own none of these characters. As wonderful as they are to play with, they will never be mine 

Here goes.

****

"Is anyone…."

Heat. Screams. Haze. Heat, outside. Inside. No pain? Strange sensation….

"…someone."

Flying. Flying now. Soaring. But only until heat catches the wings.

Crash.

****

"He needs help, Roxas. They offered me the job and I want it. I want to help him get better."

"Dammit, Sora, he's practically thrown his life away already. His idiocy and poor choices caused countless others immeasurable pain and fear. He's not worth the time, the energy, or the pity. Why don't you understand?"

Silence. Then: "You remember what happened to Namine. I won't see it happen it again, Roxas. I can't. Not when I've been given the chance to fix it."

"You don't even know him!"

"I don't have to, Roxas! It's okay to give a stranger a helping hand."

"Not if he's an evil stranger who has no moral standards."

"You're so dramatic."

"I…." had no response for that.

"People deserve second chances, Roxas."

"Whatever. I'll talk to you later." I paused before hanging up, and he sighed.

"Bye, Rox."

****

Haze. The world's a haze, a far off memory.

"Axel?"

Respond.

"Worthl…" End word.

"What? Don't' be afraid to speak."

No response.

"Axel," the voice said. "It's time to open your eyes. Please look at me."

Obey the gentle voice. First, blinding light. And then, blue. All that's visible is the blue.

"Thank you, Axel. My name is Sora. I'm going to help you."

Abrupt. Honest. "I'm not worth it."

Again, that pause. Swimming in a sea of blue, blue sadness.

"Please don't say that anymore. It's not true."

Obey the gentle voice.

"Okay."

Relief. Waves from the sea. The far off sea. Drowning….No breath. Fire. So much heat, can't breathe. Haze! Everything's a haze.

"Axel!" A clear bell. "Axel, come back to me."

Obey the gentle voice.

"Yeah, good. Keep breathing. In and out. You're okay. I'll be right back."

Subside. Unreachable conscious. Just breathe. Just exist. No thoughts.

"…okay?"

"I think…just hyperventilating."

Just broken whispers. Everything is so...broken. Broken, broken, broken.

"Broken! It's broken!"

Calming hand. "Axel, what's broken?"

"Everything." Just a breath.

"Don't worry. We'll fix it."

Drowning in a sea of blue.

****

There were days I questioned my sanity; why would anyone in their right mind choose this profession? Why would anyone volunteer to see the shadows in their world, the heartless acts that thousands of people commit everyday without giving it a second thought? Why would anyone want to know that their world is painted the darkest shade of black?

And then I feel the satisfaction of putting one more waste of space in jail, of appeasing a grieving family's need for revenge. It all comes back to me in those moments, with the sense of accomplishment. I feel that I have done something good, and that makes experiencing all the bad completely worth it.

My last case, however, was a fluke. I failed. I let down the world, imbalanced the justice in the world. Axel Ren was let free on charges of past trauma and partial insanity. After burning down an entire apartment and injuring multiple people. While under the influence of hallucinogens, mind you.

Sometimes, I questioned my sanity. Other times, I wondered if any of us were sane.

****

New home. Delicate equilibrium.

Pain.

"Axel?" Pay attention. "What did you like to do as a child?"

Child. Little girl. Fire. Heat. Can't breathe.

"Okay, okay. Just breathe. There you go."

Silence. Calm. Waves of calm, the blue, blue ocean.

"Axel." Pay attention. "What are you thinking?"

"Fire burns."

"Yes, it does." Simple statement.

"I feel warm."

"Would you like me to open a window?"

"No. It would only fuel the flames." Can't handle more heat. No more heat.

"Oh. Well, all right. How about a glass of water? It'll help put the fire out."

Think about that. "You are my ocean." You can put the fire out.

Laughter. "I'm nothing so special as an ocean. I'll get you some water."

And the raging fire quiets.

****

So, my overly charitable brother was taking on the case of a drug-infested pyromaniac. _Pro bono_. Idiot. And I was going to meet him today.

It wasn't really by choice. Sora thought it would be good for all parties involved. I still maintained the standpoint that he was an idiot.

Sora had been working with Axel for a couple of weeks now. Of course, by my younger brother's standards, he had made a lot of progress.

Which probably meant that my brother hadn't recognized the druggie's sporadic, crazed behavior as a drug-induced twitch. Probably thought that they were best friends. Probably thought that, when this was all over, the man would repent his evil ways and become a charity worker. I love Sora, but that damn optimism….

I knocked on the door to his apartment, and a smiling Sora greeted me.

"Hola, Roxas!"

I was ushered through the door, and hesitantly took a seat in my usual chair.

Axel was rather conveniently placed across from me. I'd seen him before, of course. I liked to be as prepared as possible, wanted to know every bit about the people I was to convict, and….Well, a picture's worth a thousand words. In comparison to the pictures I had seen, he looked…broken. His physical appearance had changed—his skin was slightly scarred, his hair on the mend, but short, and he looked too skinny—but, his eyes had changed the most. They were empty.

Bastard.

"Axel, this is my brother, Roxas. Roxas…."

"Axel, I know," I said, perhaps slightly snappier than was necessary.

"Got it memorized?" Axel asked, the ghost of a smirk on his face.

"I always remember the ones who escape punishment for their wrongs. So that I have motivation the next time I get a similar case." His face went blank. Teach him to speak to me as an equal.

"Roxas!" Sora hissed. "Don't."

I stared at him for a moment, contemplating my actions, and his actions, and Sora's actions. Wondering why I had agreed to this in the first place.

"I don't need to be here. Later, Sora Don't give him any matches." And I stalked out the door to the splutters of my brother.

****

Well, there you have it. The first chapter of my first fanfic. I'm sorry if it was confusing. Everything will make sense (eventually). To be perfectly honest, this is _hard_. I kind of had to wring it out of my brain. Well, Axel's POV, anyway. But it'll be an awesome exercise in characterization, and I like the direction it will (hopefully) end up going.

Also, I posted that it would be an AkuRoku fic, and it should be, but it might take a while. I'm really not sure. So don't get impatient, okay? It'll work itself out eventually.

Thanks for reading! Anyway. I can never decide whether pointing out the… (it's green now, right? Wasureru .)…colored button that your cursor is probably sitting next to has any effect on me, but I'll do it anyway. See the pretty button? Click it, and the world will be better. Ish. Haha. Yeah. Owaru.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I own none of these characters. Sigh. Sad day. I hate reminding myself :(

Yay! Chapter 2! This one was decidedly easier than the last one. And I think I have decided on a format. Each story will start with Axel, and Axel will alternate with other POVs, and the other POV will end the chapter. It was originally going to be just Roxas and Axel, but….Roxas doesn't have much of a role right now, lol. Um, I think my stipulation will be that Sora is never the narrator. I don't know. We'll see how it plays out. Anyway. Here is chapter two!

****

"Sora?" He pays attention.

"Yes, Axel?"

"Do people like you?" He smiles.

"Some of them. Everyone's different. Everyone likes different people."

Think about that. "Did I do something to Roxas?"

A shadow on that bright face. "No, Axel. But he thinks you did."

"What does he think I did?"

"He thinks you got away with things you shouldn't have, and is taking it personally."

"Do you think I got away with things I shouldn't have?"

He pauses. "Well, Axel, to be honest, I'm not sure. But I'm here to help you figure it out."

"Does it make you angry? That I…did what I did?" The fire smolders.

He smiles an un-smile. "No, Axel."

"It makes me angry." A little laugh. Stand up. "It makes me so angry. And all I can feel is the fire. So much fire. So much heat!"

"Why does it make you angry?" He's still calm. Cool, like the ocean. The far off ocean.

"It's just like what happened to…to _her._"

"To who, Axel?"

"The little girl. She….She didn't deserve it. But it happened. It happened, anyway. Even though she didn't deserve it. And I did it, too."

"What happened?" His voice whisks through the fire.

"She…burned, Sora. She burned. Even though she didn't deserve it. The fire ate her like it does everything else. Like I tried to make it eat everything else."

No response. Then: "What was her name, Axel?"

Shake head. "I…don't want to remember."

"Okay," he answers, and the fire drowns.

He is my ocean.

****

About the sixth time it went off, I decided that cell phones were the worst invention ever.

"Hello?"

"You were ignoring me."

"Yes."

"Having a bad day?"

"What do you need, Sora?"

He paused. "Is there something you'd like to talk to me about?"

Why? Why did he always insist on badgering me? "No, Sora. It was just a rough day at work. As usual."

"Right. Well, might I interest you in going out for a cup of coffee?"

"Will he be there?"

Another pause. "Of course."

"Then, no. I'd rather—"

"Roxas. Don't bother finishing that sentence. Look. I know that you'll fight to keep yourself angry over this. But though he is many things, he is also one deserving a second chance. He feels regret, Roxas. I don't know yet that he's actively seeking forgiveness, but he's looking for acceptance."

"Sora, I—"

"Besides me, you're the only one he's talked to since the fire. And you immediately rejected him."

"I rejected him because I already know all I need to know. I did research on him for months. There's nothing that he can show me to change my mind."

"I will make you face him eventually. You both need to face each other."

I scoffed. I couldn't help it. "There is nothing to face."

"And it is exactly because you think that that I will make it happen. I hope your day gets better, Rox." And then I heard a click.

Cell phones were the worst invention ever.

****

"So, would you tell me why you didn't want to go to lunch?" He sounds disappointed.

"I don't like Riku." Simple.

"But, Axel, you don't know Riku."

"Roxas doesn't know me."

He pauses. "But you're not as pigheaded as Roxas. You don't have to be like him." He's confused now.

"What if I want to be?"

"You don't know Roxas, either, Axel." So confused.

"I know. Are you disappointed?"

"No. Why would I be?"

Shrug.

He waits. Always waits. Then: "Axel, how do you feel about yourself?"

Abrupt. "I'm…heartless." Feel the fire?

"Why do you think that?"

"Because I…." Don't say it. Don't think it.

"Do you ever find yourself wishing you were someone else?"

"No." Whisper. Feel the fire.

"Are you afraid?"

"Yes. I…don't want to talk anymore." Kindling fire. So much fire.

"She was your sister. Wasn't she?" Exploding fire.

"Don't talk about her!" Calming ocean, so far away, far away below.

"Axel. Please sit down. Please tell me." Lash out!

"Don't talk about her anymore!" He stares, hand on face.

My ocean walks away.

I drown in flames.

****

"I'm so close. But he's closed off. He trusts me, but….Not with this."

"Give him time, Sora," I answer. "Ow!"

"What did you do?"

"Just missed the carrot."

"Oh. Are you cooking?"

"Yes, Sora, but this is hardly relevant."

"Right. Time. I know. He's hung up on Roxas's behavior. It's affecting everything he does. I'm so close to seeing how everything fits together. I just want to help him."

"Since when are you so impatient?"

"Since I know that I can do something. He hit me today."

I drop the knife. "He hit you?" My voice is about two octaves higher than necessary. I clear my throat. "Why?"

Sora sighs. "I pushed him too far. I should've known better. It was my fault."

I almost choke. On air. Peachy. "Sora, how long have you been doing this?"

"Pushing him too far?"

"No, this job. Isn't that your biggest no-no? Testing the patience of an insane—"

"Traumatized."

"—patient?"

"Yes, Riku. I know. But I've never had a patient live in my home before. It's just…different. He's so close, all the time. It makes it easier, and harder."

"Are you going to be able to handle it?" I regret this question almost immediately.

"Yeah. I'll be fine." I can hear the doubt in his voice. I hate it when I cause that doubt.

"I'm sorry. I know you'll be fine. Just…don't make a habit out of getting punched, okay?"

"Okay. But I should go now. It's time for me to dig up some food."

I smile. "Good luck. I'll try to make dinner for you guys sometime next week. Maybe Axel'll get over his Roxas Complex long enough to let me feed you. You're probably emaciated by now."

I can hear him stick his tongue out at me. "Maybe. Thanks, Riku."

"Anytime. Talk to you later."

"Of course."

****

The end! Of the chapter, of course. Feel free to leave comments, question, criticisms, etc. Thanks for reading!


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